i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
