i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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