pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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