I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
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