Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
