I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
