I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
