Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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