I molested 6 butterflies tonight
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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