OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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