I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
