I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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