I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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