i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
