Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i drank out of a bidet.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
