Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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