"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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