When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize