I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
