last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
