I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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