The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
