My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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