So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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