I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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