I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
