no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
