oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
