i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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