you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
