feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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