I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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