Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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