was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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