she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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