dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
