im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
