he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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