Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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