We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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