i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You should frame my arrest warrant.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
