I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
