We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
