Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
