Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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