i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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