I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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