Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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