That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Your cock deserves a montage
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
