respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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