No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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