im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
