Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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