No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
