the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
