her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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