I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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