I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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