i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
