I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
