Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize