Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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