It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
