don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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