There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize