so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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