you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
