addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
