Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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