the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
