so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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