Betty ford says i'm here all night
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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