I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
