last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
