my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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