my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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