Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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