hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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