Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
