dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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