u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize