Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
