hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
