Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
