I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
