My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
