i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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