my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
