I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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