sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
zippers are such a cool invention
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
