hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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