Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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