Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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