i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
