She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Me too!
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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