I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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