In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
