So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
