I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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