Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
