I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize