I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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