You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
