I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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